I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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