I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
