wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
