You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
