okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
