I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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