yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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