this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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