I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
