On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
