I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
