First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
