I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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