You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
