White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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