i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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