why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
