Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
