I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
