I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
