My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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