We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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