I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
