I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
