Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
