i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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