I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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