There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
