How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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