Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
