well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
operation have a gay friend backfired
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
