now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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