my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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