I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
