I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
