Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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