What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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