he was CRYING into my vagina
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
