im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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