so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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