Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
