So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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