I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
