he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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