i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
