I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
