Need sex. Gaining weight.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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