I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
