Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
