I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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