Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
