You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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